My neighbour has installed one!
My situation is my neighbour has installed a Ring doorbell which looks at my front door! In other words, my neighbour can see what I'm up to, coming and going as Julie.
What do you do? The two options are to hide yourself, with coats etc… or tell your neighbour you're transgender?
Before doing anything is to sit down with a cup of tea and think! So I asked two of my friends and they both came back with different answers, one was: tell your neighbour and the other was it's none of their business, so what! But you live next to them so you have to think carefully, I don't really know my neighbour!
Lucky for me, neighbour is younger (26) so her generation should be accepting, in theory! You really have to weigh up the pro's and con's! I haven't told my family because they are a different generation, older, and it would turn my whole life upside down, there is no right or wrong answer! Only you can make the choice!
A part from Julie, really wants to tell her and the other is scarred of the consequences, she could just go and tall all my other neighbour or tell my boss! And not being full out, it would be difficult and uncomfortable.
So my first thought is to pick my moment and go and ask her about the doorbell and then tell her, but you might forget, the nerves might take over, or just get tong tied and look like a complete wally!
So I decided to write her a letter! Not too long or too short, which leads to more questions, I wrote four paragraphs.
Dear (first name),
This is a hard subject for me to discuss, I hope you understand my situation with you installing a Ring doorbell, you are able to monitor my movements.
I am asking for your discretion and to keep it a secret between us. I am transgender, yes! I dress as a woman! I have been dressing since I was eleven, I had always known I have a female side since birth.
My female side is Julie and I do go out dressed as a woman, apart from my transgender group, you are the first person I have told, my family are an older generation, and I’m not sure if they will accept it.
It is only a question of time before you start asking questions or run into me on the stairs as Julie. I hope you understand, when I’m male I’m XXXXX and when dressed I’m Julie. I asked my therapist about you, and she said I should tell you.
It's a big step for me, coming out to you.
Regards, (My male name) xx
Well I gave her the letter and she read it, this is when your heart is pounding, sweaty palm's etc… She said “I wouldn't of known, I don't mind, I thought I saw a woman at the window a few weeks a go but never though nothing of it”. She then invited me in as we had a little chat in which I discovered a few things about her.
We all have our secrets! So I also wanted her to see Julie! So the next day I got up early (No work) and got ready, the whole lot. She has a small dog which she takes for a walk. So I waited for her to come back and gave her my email address encase she wants to talk etc…
She was fine about it, she said, “I look completely different” with a smile on her face. It is a release to me, no more hiding, being open, it's made a bond between us, she said even that she is throwing out some clothes, so the next day she puts two bin bags full of clothes outside my door and a note saying "There some clothes outside, help yourself (with a smily face)" I love it!
So I go out and bring them indoors, (I'm dressed as Julie, the entire day) I do through them, she is a size 10/12, and I'm a 14/16, but I did manage to find a few things, I loved the, off the shoulder top with little flowers! I am actually wearing my neighbour clothes, if that is not acceptance, I don't know what is! I wrote her a little thank you note and put it through her door.
I can see us going shopping together, going for coffee and other things, I think we are going to be very good friends.
So my advice is, sit down with a cupper and evaluate the situation, don't rush it, come to a decision when you are ready! I know this story (real story) has a happy ending, but they don't always, especially if you live there!
I had to do something, or I would be trapped!
It's all true what I have written, hand on heart!
Update 28/07/24: I thought you deserve an update, all is going well, I can just open my door to my neighbour, she even invites me in as Julie for a chat. We talk about almost anything, two women having a chat, telling each other problems etc… even her dog doesn't mind, doesn't even bark at me.
I am not sure if it's my gender dysphoria, which is advancing to be Julie, as long as I make an effort, with clothes and make-up, also give time being Julie. This always has more questions than answers.
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Well done Julie !
That was courageous , but it sounds as if you are now rewarded with a better relationship with your neighbour and of course some free clothes !
My being seen by the neighbours is one of my wife’s worries but I doubt if it would be a real issue if/when it ever happens.
Sophie xx