1 + 1 = 3

Our understanding of self, and how others perceive us, is a continually evolving landscape, often shaped by internal boundaries and unexpected external encounters. For some time, I maintained a clear delineation between my female and male personas: “Julie” for vibrant public expression, and my masculine male presentation for the practicalities of family and work. Yet, within the private sanctuary of my home, a more fluid reality began to emerge. Here, in solitude, I found comfort in a nuanced blend of comfort and self-expression, often donning thick tights, a top, and a skirt – a personal mix that, until recently, had never been witnessed by another soul.

This quiet, personal rule was recently challenged by a delightful, albeit unexpected, interaction. While in my preferred 'half-and-half' home attire – thick tights, a skirt, slippers, and a t-shirt, notably without wig or makeup – my neighbour appeared at the door, extending a warm invitation to admire her Christmas decorations. My immediate “yes” was perhaps an instinctual response, but it led to a profound, quiet shift. Stepping into her home, I was keenly aware of my unconventional presentation, yet her reaction was utterly disarming. She simply treated me as normal, engaging in an easy chat and catch-up, completely unfazed by my appearance. I had to come out to my neighbour as she installed a ring doorbell, I am lucky she understands, can be useful for advice etc...

This small, unplanned interaction became a significant marker. Having never before presented myself to anyone in this blended state, her effortless acceptance was deeply reassuring. While I don't plan to make 'half-and-half' outings a regular occurrence, the knowledge that such an authentic, unadorned version of myself was met with such straightforward normalcy is incredibly empowering. The old 'rule' of strict separation, even in private, has gently softened. While I will always embrace being 'Julie' when the opportunity arises, and I continue to wear knickers and tights daily when it's cold, this experience underscores a deeper truth: I dress to reflect the sex I choose, and increasingly, that choice allows for a personal, private blend. This unexpected Christmas decoration viewing wasn't just a chat; it was another new experience, a valuable lesson in the ongoing, fascinating journey of life and self-acceptance.